His Swagger
by threeletterwords
Summary: My take on the Buffy/Spike reunion. That is, if Buffy were a tad more expressive. Set post Chosen. Loosely follows the comics in location.


A/N~ Just a little... is fluff the right word in this context...? Angsty, and definitely a slightly more expressive Buffy. The version of their reunion where she doesn't clock him in the face. :)

It couldn't be true. If she let herself believe it...

No. She couldn't go through the pain of losing him again. Spike. Her lost lover. Her warrior. A part of her was his... and it was lost when he died. For her. God... she could feel him... love him even before his soul. It was Tara who brought it to light. She had no idea why she had those feelings for him... why she let him touch her so deeply... literally and figuratively. She had allowed him to become her world. and then the idiot had to go get a soul... make her fall even deeper into those feelings. Those wrong and twisted feelings... she followed a treacherous path of heartbreak and destruction. Wrong bloody calls. Spike had wormed his way in. Before she knew it, he had changed for her. Given up everything he was to fight at her side. She'd always known he was an anomaly. A champion. Even with another ensouled vampire, he had remained so completely his own man. She loved him. She didn't know when it was exactly that she understood how deeply she cared for him. Maybe when he gave her that speech after she'd been kicked out of her house. Maybe it was later on that night, when she gazed into his eyes, and felt his soul. A tangible entity that enveloped her... warmed her. Gave her strength. There was something inside her that refused not to love him, no matter how many times she told herself it was wrong. She loved what he was. She loved his swagger. His scent. She loved his lilting accent. The pet names he conjured up. How he fought... how he moved. His gate and fluidity... his grace. she loved his duster... the lingering smell of cigarettes and leather that he left. she loved how he cared. Loved his strength and his passion. She loved every last thing about him... down to the bleach blonde of his hair. Spike. William. She couldn't control it. Like he had once told her... it had nothing to do with her. She loved his soul.

Of course she had loved Angel. She probably always would. But Spike was suddenly her everything, as Angel once had been. She didn't want to stare into the abyss that was life without him. She'd been there. Didn't fancy a return trip.

There was something about him... She could practically hear his sarcastic remarks, or warm chuckle. A stray 'bloody hell' or 'bollocks' would sneak it's way into her life, and she'd glance around... waiting for him to appear. He spoke his mind. He never lied to her. He didn't coddle her, force her behind him, or ask her to change. He fought with her. He knew her in a shockingly intimate way. Knew her body. Knew her mind. Knew her every trait as well as his own. And they were complex. She couldn't really describe what he was to her. It went beyond 'boyfriend'. He had her back. But he never forced her back. He was there with her. Changing for _her _for once.

And she had fallen for him. He was lodged in her heart. And of course, he threatened to rampage through it, and clear it out, until her vision was clouded. He had a tendency to do that. They shared a connection. Sure a weird and twisted one, but... god, she had to get over her vampire thing. All these thoughts had passed... no-more flocked through into her mind the past few months. She had missed him more than she had thought was possible. Or at least probable. She wanted to feel him again. And she didn't think she could handle it if this was a mirage. Or a trick. If the voice trying to coax her back to the real world wasn't really him. She had missed him so- ... there aren't enough words. So how is this even possible? How could he come back from that. She had watched him... seen him burn. He couldn't have...

She gazed up into his face for the first time in months, trying to re-memorize it's every line. He looked back, a single scarred brow raised, slight tilt of the corner of his mouth, a touch of worry in his shocking cerulean eyes. Before she could question it, or put up the cautious front she usually held in front of her as a shield, she tore down the barriers, and let the silent grief she had hidden for months... finally wash away. She stepped forwards to finally tackle him with a hug, and feel to make sure he was solid. He met her mid-stride, and pulled her up to meet him, burying his face in her hair as she rested hers in the crook of his neck. She grasped at him, as he wound his arms- if possible- more tightly around her. He couldn't get near her fast enough, couldn't be close enough. She let out silent streams of tears out into his shoulder, and inhaled the trademark of his jacket, pressing her face deeper into it and remembering. The worn leather welcomed her like an old friend, the smell of smoke, bourbon, and something indescribably Spike greeted her nostrils. She cried harder, clutching at the bleached curls at the nape of his neck, and willing him to hold her tighter, though they were already impossibly close. She felt him reach one hand up to stroke her hair, keeping his other firmly at her waist. He lowered his head to whisper quietly in her ear.

"You can't imagine how much I missed you pet." She smiled slightly through her tears.

"I think I might have an idea." She breathed, running her hands through his hair and down his back, making sure he was indeed, a real person. She wasn't sure how long he held her. She didn't want to let go just yet.

"Oh, god. Spike." She clutched him to her chest and choked on a sob. She was sure of what she had to say.

"I love you. You understand me? I love you." He closed his eyes, and kissed the crown of her head, lightly touching her golden tresses.

"yes ma'am."


End file.
